Israelis’ ain’t no Irishmen

Before arriving in Eilat we hadn’t gone to any bars, so as one could expect we were really eager to go out and get trashed. Even with that said, I never expecting to see what I saw that night. It will be hard to put into words, but I will sure try. So all of us, literally 40 of us Americans and 7 Israeli soldiers parade down the street until we get to this one bar. There are tables everywhere and they are more or less positioned for dancing then sitting. There is a crazy hookah collection in the back next to the bar by the DJ and the music is bumbing. When I saw the tables, I got inspired and had one of those fuck it moments, where I said to myself, I am in Israel and if there are tables I am going to dance on the fucking tables, so literally seconds after walking in to this place I’m up on the tables. I don’t take full credit for the following, but everyone else followed suit and then it was on. The dancing got crazy. I figured out that if you spill a little bit of your beer on the table it even becomes more danceable. We pushed the boundaries with the number of people that should be on a table, the position of people on a table, the aerobatics you should be doing while drinking and dancing on a table. It all came out and it was beautiful. I perfected a couple dirty, dirty, table moves. Then the hookahs appeared. We took a couple short smoke breaks and continued to dance. I was too busy dancing to drink all that much, but there were a few, well quite a few people where it was the other way around. We were actually providing the entertainment for the people that were drinking and I think the more we entertained that more they drank.

When it got time to leave, I dismounted a table to walk outside and see a site I did not expect to see. People had literally blown up, destroyed themselves with alcohol consumption. And it wasn’t limited to just any random person, it was mostly the Israelis’. I am not going to name any names because I don’t wanna embarrass anyone or even worse get someone court marshaled, so I will replace all names with superheroes. So, as soon as I get out of the bar the first thing I see is Batman hunched over, swaying back and forth doing a shaky, shaky leg dance. Finally when he picks his head up, his eyes start to roll back into his head. He looked bad, but everyone one else around was pretty much trashed and laughing, so I go to get Batman some water and I see Superwoman and Catwoman are running a muck. One is puking on the street and other running circles around it. When I get back to Batman, he is also in the vomiting stage. I help him walk back to the hotel, or literally walk for him back to the hotel with the rest of these drunken monsters. This was only the beginning. Back at the hotel all hell breaks loose. People are running up and down the hall, alcohol is flowing all over the place, Batman is curled into a ball and throwing up on the floor in front of his door. I turn around only to see the Green Lantern trying to pull ElastaGirl into his room, but instead falls straight onto his back. This would be bad enough, but the Green Latern is wearing an M-16 so CLAP, he falls straight onto his gun, and a fucking bullet pops out! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I pick up the bullet, stick it in my pocket for safekeeping and go inside my room. There was nothing else I could possibly see that night that would top that.

Kyle, resident South Park Jew and now guardian of The Secret Party Bullet