Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Exodus: Plane ride back from Israel

Well…. I’m back from Israel and a little sooner then expected. Sob, Sob, Sniff, Sniff. I got sick, quite sick, hospital visit and all. Being the risk averse economist as I am, I opted to fly home at the end of my organized trip rather then try to extend my stay, try to heal in Israel and continue adventuring. Now as I write this, about 47 hours after I made my decision to get on that plane and 36 hours of sleep later, I am filled with sorrow, regret, and just a little chest discomfort. Physically, I feel much better now. Not strong, but healthy enough and all I can think about is that I should have stayed in Israel. Travelling Israel is all I ever wanted. It was my mission, my quest, and my new adventure. And g-d forbid if I needed to come home for any other reason, I would have been okay with that. But it became my call, my decision, and that’s why it hurts. Regret sucks. It eats away at you. I feel regret so strong that I believe its only remedy is to write it all down and in the process confront my sorrows and more importantly celebrate the good times. There were many good times and even though my visit was shorter then expected, we did an outrageous amount of touring. I saw things that will be with me for the rest of my life. I felt things that I never expected to feel. It is because of these initial experiences, that I am saddened. If my birthright trip weren’t so spectacular, I probably wouldn’t have even considered staying. I would have been just like all the other trip participants that didn’t have anything to go back to (no school, no job) but decided the tour was enough and returned home. So what I am telling you is I had the time of my life, all around amazing life changing experience, FOR FREE AND I AM SAD? Yes. That is exactly what I am telling you. Call me unappreciative, unworthy, an asshole, but that’s how I feel. If you really know me you’d understand.

PS: I am starting to feel sick again. I’m quite dizzy, I’m developing pretty significant diarrhea and I feel like I might throw up the applesauce I just consumed. I think the drugs they gave me in the hospital have worn off. All hail Risk Aversion! I love you guys.

PPS: Clearing out my suitcase I found our health insurance extension form. And I quote “In other words, it is convenient and cautious thing to do in the very rare event that you sprain your ankle, catch a stomach bug, etc.” Rare! How about two in the same night. Noam, sprained his ankle, I help walk him home, just to be woken up by the urge to purge my stomach over an over and over and over again. These health insurance people know something I don’t.


Noam in the wheely chair. Me, puking between pictures

No comments: